Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Picking up girls at a bar is hard enough as it is. To make matters worse, single men have to be on constant lookout for the infamous cockblocker. The modern cockblocker can manifest in many forms, and being able to identify and manage a cockblocker can mean the difference between a successful night, and one where you go home alone, eat chips and salsa by yourself, and watch Children of Men on cable one and a half times before passing out. Here are 7 common cockblockers to look out for:
1. The Gay Friend
In the NFL, there's a reason why you never trade a player to a team you're going to face later on in the season: he knows everything you're going to try, and he's going to tell the other team, and suddenly you're losing 37-0 in the fourth quarter, and you're standing on the sidelines thinking, "how the f*ck did this happen?" The Gay Friend knows your moves, because at the end of the day you both want the same thing: to find someone drunk enough to let you stick something in their butt. To make matters worse, unlike the seven girlfriends surrounding your prospective lady, The Gay Friend isn't catty and backstabbing, because he's not trying to go for the same wiener that she is. Consequently, he has no problem looking out for her at all costs. This means that you'll have to come prepared with a few trick plays, or have the most dedicated wingman in the entire world.
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
a) I do physical labor
b ) I work at great depths.
c) I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
d) I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
e) I work in a damp environment.
f) I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
g) I work in high temperatures.
h) My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response...
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
What I Want In A Man! (The Original List)
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Thoughtful
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